


Easier to begin than to quit

by NYWCgirl



Series: Half of us [1]
Category: White Collar
Genre: Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Euthanasia, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 16:36:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8760694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NYWCgirl/pseuds/NYWCgirl
Summary: Peter encounters a slave who is in bad shape. El and he decide to adopt him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story fills my `Self harm´ square on my h/c bingo card. Just wanted to let you know that I in no way try to pretend what it is to have an eating disorder. And I certainly don´t want to minimalize the problem. But I struggled with the square on my bingo card and was inspired by the picture below (from The Normal Heart).

 

“Vincent Adler has scammed millions of people. He needs to be stopped and that is what we are going to do today. I received the warrant this morning. We will be accompanied by a slave retrieval team, as our intelligence tells us there are several slaves present on the premises. Are you all sure about your tasks? OK, let´s go then.”

Peter Burke leads his team to the garage. Several cars are waiting for them to take them to the penthouse in the West village.

The takes down goes as planned, and Peter is proud of his team, they made the arrest, their suspects are lead away for questioning and the ERT guys are gathering evidence.

“Agent Burke?”

Peter turns towards the young woman that is gesturing to him. Her jacket identifies her as a member of the slave retrieval team. “Yes?”

“Can you please come, I need a witness.”

Peter is taken aback, but walks up to her. She leads him towards the slave quarters. Just before they enter, she stops.

“I need to warn you, one of the slaves is in serious condition and I want his condition witnessed by a federal agent.”

“OK, lead the way.”

They walk into the room where there are several cages. In the last cage, a figure is slumped in fetal position with his back towards the door.

“Hey Neal.”

Peter can see the man flinch, but he doesn´t move otherwise. The man seems to be emaciated, the ribs and backbone are protruding from under his skin.

“Have you called an ambulance?”

“You know how this works agent Burke, they won´t come for a slave, especially one in this condition. I want you here to be a witness when I euthanize him.”

“What?” Peter looks shocked.

“Nobody wants to adopt a slave with medical issues and this poor guy will need a lot of medical care, if he even gets better.”

Peter looks at the poor creature. These slaves don´t deserve the life they get. “His name is Neal?”

“We think so, it was on the cage.”

“Neal? can you please come towards us?”

The slave doesn´t give any signs that he has heard them.

“OK, let’s get him out. Open the cage, please.”

Once the door is opened, Peter kneels and steps closer to grab the slave. The slave doesn´t seem to have the energy to resist and he lets himself be dragged out of the cage. Peter is shocked when he sees the state of the slave, he is skin over bones. He is gaunt and unhealthy looking. When he is being pulled out of the cage, he blinks open his eyes with a tired look.

“Neal, we are federal agents and we are here to take you to a shelter.” Peter says softly not wanting to startle the man.

“Agent Burke, can I talk to you about this?”

Peter lets himself be pulled away.

“Agent Burke, this slave is not going to a shelter, please do not make promises we can´t keep. There is no shelter that will take him like this. I will call a doctor to euthanize him.”

“The hell you will.”

“Agent Burke! Like I said before we need to use the limited resources that we have as best as possible, and Neal here is a lost case. We don´t have the manpower and resources to nurse him back to health. If it is even possible.”

“Then I will take him.”

“Please, I know you want to do the right thing, but it is the humane thing to do, just let him go.”

“No, I won´t. My wife and I have been thinking about adopting a slave, here is our slave. Where can I take care of the paperwork?”

“I guess since you are a federal agent and married, you will qualify. OK, we will take one of the transport cages so we can take care of his medical needs and I will take care of his paperwork.”

Peter hands her his business card.

“I will take him to the center to give him some basic medical care. Come pick him up before we close at seven o´clock.”

“Thanks”

“Good luck agent Burke, you are going to need it.”

 

* *  *

 

“Hon, are you home?”

“Yes, I´m in the kitchen.”

“Remember that case I was working on?”

“The Ponzi scheme thing?”

“Yeah, that one. When we arrested our suspect today we found a slave in his house.”

“That is not so uncommon, is it?” She studies his face. “What did you do?”

“What makes you think I did something?”

“Peter Burke, the look on your face tells me you did something you are unsure about.”

“The slave was going to be euthanized and I sort of said we would adopt him.”

“So he is a trouble maker.” El´s face gets a hard look.

“Not at all, he was so malnourished that the slave center said he was a lost cause, something about using their resources for worthy causes.”

El gasps.

“They wanted to euthanize him because he was malnourished?”

“Yeah, something about nobody wanting a slave with medical issues, but I have to warn you, he is in rough shape.”

“Where is he?”

“At the slave center, we need to pick him up before seven.”

El checks out the timer on the stove and turns the heat off.

“Well, what are we standing here? Let´s get him.”

 

* *  *

 

When the enter the slave center, El scrunches up her nose. She hadn´t expected it to have such a peculiar smell. There were slaves crying out and trying to get attention from the people entering. There are even a couple of slaves outside the cages, walking around or talking with caged ones.

“Can I help you?” A young man whose nametag states that he is a volunteer and his name is Andrew.

“I hope so, my name is agent Burke and this my wife and we are here to pick up a slave we want to adopt. His name is Neal.”

“Ah yes, agent Burke, Myriam told me about your case. Walk with me. But I have to warn you, he is not well.”

“I have seen him, I know.”

When they enter a back room, Peter notices that they don´t keep Neal in a cage. He is lying on a cot. There are several IV´s attached to his hand and he has his eyes closed. He can hear El gasp next to him.

“Oh my God, Peter, what have they done to him?”

“We don´t know, he is not making much sense.”

El careful sits down on the edge of the cot and carts her hands through his hair. Neal slowly opens his eyes.

“Hi Neal, my name is Elizabeth Burke. Peter and I are going to adopt you, OK? You are coming home with us.”

Neal just blinks at her but eventually nods his head.

“I was told you brought a car suitable to transport him?” Andrew asks.

“Yes, we can transport him laying down.”

“Great. I will ask some volunteers to get him to the car.”

“No need, I will carry him. You finish the paperwork.”

“Ok, if you are sure.”

“Yes, I am sure.” Peter snaps. “I´m sorry, I am not mad at you, but at the situation.”

“That is OK, I understand, these abuse cases are hard on everybody.” The volunteer agrees.

Peter gently puts his hand under Neal and lifts him, surprised by how light he actually is. He will needs some fattening up, but El will probably take care of that.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning Peter asks his personal physician to make a house call. He quickly explains the situation and the doctor, who was also a good friend, promises to come by.

Around two in the afternoon, the doorbell rings.

“Hi Frank, thanks for stopping by.”

“Sorry I couldn’t get sooner, but I had an emergency.”

“No problem.” Peter leads the doctor into the house. “ I want you to meet Neal, we adopted him yesterday.” Peter shows the doctor to the guest bedroom.”

“Hi Neal, I´m Frank, I am a doctor and I would like to examine you. Is that OK?”

Neal nods, eyes downcast.

The doctor draws some blood and promises to call in the results. He checks Neal and his conclusion is quickly made, Neal is dehydrated and severely malnourished.

“You rest, OK Neal. We will take care of everything.” The doctor puts another blanket over Neal, whose eyes are already closed. The examination tired Neal and he has fallen asleep. Peter gestures the doctor down where El is waiting for them with coffee and cake.

“OK, I examined Neal and I have a suspicion that he is starving himself. There is nothing physically wrong with him.”

“You are telling us, he did this to himself?”

“Yes, he starved himself. To find out why, I will recommend a psychiatrist who is a specialist in eating disorders. I will write you a recommendation letter so he will accept your slave. But I can imagine that he has some issues with Masters. My best guess is that he tried to look as thin or bad as possible so he wouldn´t attract attention to himself. “

Peter and El look both shocked and horrified.

Neal gets a whole list of to do´s.

  * __Eat whole foods.__


  * _Eat slowly._


  * _Drink water when thirsty (but **not** when you're not thirsty!)._


  * _Sleep at least eight hours._


  * _Keep stress low._


  * _Move your body gently as much as possible. Walk often._


  * _Laugh often._


  * _Spend time with people who lift you up._


  * _Spend time in nature._


  * _Spend time in the sun._



 

They all make sense to Peter. But apparently they are not that normal for slaves.

“I recommend that you put a bed down here so he is part of the household even if he is too weak to participate at the moment. But I must warn you, Neal has a long way ahead of him. You need to realize he won´t be up and about in quiet some time, this will take time.”

The Burkes thank their doctor and El makes some calls. Two hours later, there is a hospital bed delivered. Peter puts it in the kitchen, near the window. It will give Neal a chance to look outside and enjoy the sun. When Peter helps Neal down and into the bed, Neal doesn´t resist, he almost immediately closes his eyes. He looks exhausted just from the trip down.

El starts preparing dinner. For Neal she puts out a protein shake.

 

* *  *

_Several days later_

When Neal opens his eyes, there is a sticky note on the window. It says ‘ _You are a wonderful person_.’ Neal stares at it. The note even has a smiley face. They can´t mean it, it is probably just a way to fatten him up so they can use him. He turns away from the note.

“Hey boy.” He whispers when he sees that Satchmo is by his side. The dog pushes his wet nose against his face and he gives a small smile not realizing El is watching him.

“Neal?”

Neal tries to get up but fails.

“Oh honey, just answer with your voice, you don´t have to get up, you are still too weak. Here, let me get you an extra pillow.”

El comes back with a fluffy pillow and gently places it behind Neal´s back so he can sit up more.

“Are you comfortable?”

“Yes Mistress, thank you.”

His new mistress leads Satchmo outside through the back door.

“Here, I made some chicken soup for you with homemade bread. Better eat it before Peter gets here.”

He doesn´t want to know how he will be punished by agent Burke, so he quickly eats the food in front of him. It doesn´t take long before he turns green around the gills. Luckily El foresaw this when she saw how quick Neal was eating. She holds a waste basket in front of him, just in time.

“Honey, you need to slow down. Nobody is going to take away your food. OK, maybe Satchmo, but I put him outside so you can eat undisturbed. Look, there is more food, so nobody will take it away.”

She cleans up his sheet and pajama top and hands him a new plate, this time there is a smaller amount of soup and only one piece of bread. She puts a basket with more bread and some cupcakes on a side table indicating that there is more.

“Neal, the doctor told you to give your body time to realize that you aren´t going to starve it again, remember? There is enough food and there is no need to chuck it down. There will always be food, OK?”

Neal simply nods and Elizabeth realizes Neal is just humoring her; just to get rid of her, or out of fear, she is not sure yet.

“I need to go out to get some groceries, are you OK to stay alone at home? Satchmo will keep you company. I put the telephone next to you on the window sill, Peter is under speed dial one and I am under two, OK?”

“Yes, mistress.”

Before she leaves, she puts food out for Satchmo and lets him back inside. The dog immediately goes straight for his bowl.

Once Neal hears the door close, he puts down the spoon and lies back closing his eyes. Why is it so hard to understand for these people that he wants to die, that he has no interest in eating what so ever, it will only prolong things. He needs to get away from them, so he can die in peace.

He slowly gets up in a sitting position and is panting before he even puts his feet on the cold floor. He wavers and has to keep the bed in a dead grip not to fall down. Once he feels more secure on his feet, he slowly makes his way to the front door, resting against the walls whenever everything spins around him.

He hadn´t heard Mistress locking up the door before she left the house. He needs to be careful when opening the door, maybe they set him up. He checks the front door, but it is open. He wants to walk out, but the room starts wavering around him and he leans heavily against the wall, not to fall over. He closes his eyes.

He startles when strong arms grab him and lift him. Before he knows it, he is back in his cozy warm bed. He blinks open his eyes against the dizziness and finds Peter looking worried.

“What were you thinking, Neal? You are nowhere near strong enough for walks. If you want to go out, just let us know, we have a wheelchair, so we can take you somewhere. Please trust us, we will take care of you.”

Neal doesn´t respond. He wants to believe his Master, but he can´t trust them. A tear slowly rolls over his cheek.

He is trapped. Trapped by his own mind and body.


End file.
